Litcrawl extended event: the Whole Intimate Mess: A Rant

Both books – Rants in the Dark and The Whole Intimate Mess – are available in bookshops nationwide

The best thing about baby friendly events is the gentle sound of baby noises – it made the perfect backdrop to an honest conversation between friends, authors and parents Holly Walker and Emily Writes.  The City Gallery theatre was dressed like a comfortable lounge which made the room inviting.  Both hosts made it clear that they were tired, which suited the tired parents and lit-crawlers in attendance.  With a warm welcome to all, the talk commenced.

Holly Walker’s book is called The Whole Intimate Mess and is published by BWB as part of their Texts series. The book came out of her occasional blog on the Green Party website about balancing becoming a parent with her role as an MP.  It is a good account of the pressure placed on women to ‘do it all’ and the fear of admitting difficulty in what is a universally challenging time – the challenge of parenting/ work and becoming a mother. Holly’s experience of postnatal depression is raw and honest. Of special note in this book is Holly’s personal book list – the reading that helped her to understand her experiences and feel brave enough to share them publicly.

Emily Writes’ Rants in the Dark is a collection of essays from her popular blog. Emily uses humour and honesty about parenting. It is the first time that I came across a book so honest about the work of parenting and the myriad of ways that actual parents cope. I will never forget the words and illustration of the birth of her second son. It is remarkable that, after years of no sleep, that she could procude such a beautiful account of parenting.

The theme of the talk was honest discussions of parenting. Holly and Emily became friends because, amongst shared interests, they had children that didn’t sleep. It was lovely to see that they each had their own copy of each other’s work with them – both looking well-read. Both talked about the need for more stories about becoming a mother and parenting. In particular there was a lot of discussion about postnatal depression and the severe anxiety that came as a result.

One of the more interesting discussion threads for me was about the process of writing when it involves your family members. I was fascinated to learn about the depth of reflection that went into mindfully writing about your loved ones. Emily noted that she sits on blog posts for a fortnight so she has time to reflect on her writing – she also prints the posts and puts them into a box – a reminder of the permanence of the internet. Hilariously she told the story of her rather reluctant husband being asked on camera a question about his role in her book – and he confessed he hadn’t really read the whole thing but had ‘skimmed it.’

Both writers have helped to bring attention to issues affecting parents in Aotearoa and in particular making public the invisible work of parenting. It can be stressful, relentless work, and it is OK to seek help, or to change plans. The expectations on parents, particularly mothers, can be so high. Sharing these stories publicly helps to validate these parenting experiences. As such the talk was a great way to continue the conversations started in their respective books, and a great addition to the Lit Crawl programme for 2017.

Litcrawl extended event: the Whole Intimate Mess: A Rant
Featuring Holly Walker and Emily Writes

Rants After Dark
by Emily Writes
Published by Penguin Random NZ
ISBN 9780143770183

The Whole Intimate Mess
by Holly Walker
Published by BWB Texts
ISBN 9780947518912

Ed’s Note: I highly recommend both of these books as a present for a new mama or even an old one. Both books work towards changing the perception of the many roles of mothers in NZ, and both are fantastically well written. (Sarah)

 

 

DWRF17: Mothers Day Brunch with Emily Writes

When I say Emily Writes’ name, I feel like I am making a statement. I know it’s a nom de plume, but nevertheless, saying it aloud makes me smile. Emily Writes. Noun and verb. Yes, she does, I think to myself. And, boy, the stuff she writes is such valuable stuff! If we want a truly functioning society for our kids and families, people everywhere should be reading what she is putting down.

Emily Writes, Photograph © Chris Tse

When I first read Emily I was impressed by her guts and sense of humour. It was the now-infamous Skarsgård piece; my actual best friend shared it with me. Years of True Blood had us already in the zone, but Emily actually put it on the page. Upon reading more of her work, I loved what she was saying about parenting and motherhood; she was the real deal.

This Mothers Day brunch was a different format for the Festival: the venue was the lovely Scenic Circle Southern Cross, and the brunch itself was a seated, semi-formal event. The food was divine – bircher muesli, white raspberry brownies and platters of melon – but the real highlight was Emily. I don’t think Emily knows how fabulous Emily is. She is the woman you meet and instantly wish was your best friend: she’s down to earth, swears like a trouper but in the most appropriate places, and battles fiercely on your behalf. Please be my best friend, Emily! I thought to myself after she opened her mouth and the gold flowed.

Hearing her speak today was just like reading her writing. Humour, honesty and absolute compassion for women and their families is what seems to drive Emily. Her opening story was an off-the-cuff description of going out the night before and drinking quite a bit of wine at dinner with Jesse Mulligan. Her self-deprecating style when sharing the shenanigans of the previous evening, and her, ahem, ‘womanly’ admiration of Mulligan had the audience pretty much crippled with laughter.

Later, and on a more serious note, Emily talked about the unreal pressures women (and women as mothers, in particular) are under, and how she hoped her writing helps address these things. She pointed out that the normalisation of taboo topics like prenatal and postnatal depression would be a really positive thing, and would mean fewer mothers were lost to families.

I think what is so attractive about Emily Writes is that she doesn’t know how amazing she is. She sees herself as a regular mum – a self-declared bogan – who is parenting children and who happens to also write. It’s this ‘normal’ vision of self that has perhaps made her so attractive to the general population in New Zealand; she’s one of us, but she’s also giving voice to us from the inside out, and it’s a voice that is usually silent. If you haven’t read her book Rants in the Dark, go out right now and get it. You’ll be so happy you did.

Attended and reviewed by Lara Liesbeth

Rants in the Dark
by Emily Writes
Published by Penguin Books NZ
ISBN 9780143770183

Book Review: Rants in the Dark, by Emily Writes

Available now in bookshops nationwide.

I discovered Emily’s blog Dear Mama (now Rants in the Dark) thanks to Jolisa Gracewood, who marked her as a blogger to watch in a ‘new media’ session at the Auckland Writers Festival in 2015. I read some of her pieces as soon as I got home, and everything about parenting suddenly made sense. I immediately commented on one of Emily’s blog posts and got seriously the quickest response I’ve ever had: she knows how to build the community she wants to see.

I was delighted to see Emily become the Parenting section editor at The Spinoff, and publish pieces by mamas and dads from all over New Zealand, explaining aspects of their parenting and lives to us all. I’m now divided on whether the Parenting or the Books section is better!

Emily’s parenting philosophy is to let kids be kids, parent with respect, and be kind. But as she says herself ‘This book is an advice-free zone.’ Emily shares the trials and tribulations of parenthood as you’ve rarely seen it before – if there is one takeaway, it is that every child is different. Even within families.

The format of the book is cleverly done, with very short pieces (for checking out on the loo with kids interrupting) interleaved with longer – but not too long, we’re talking sleep-deprived mum length, essays. Some of the essays are serious, like ‘We built a village’, others are more a yawp into the void: see ‘How to get your baby out of a swaddle’ for a cry-laughing moment for an example of this. All of the essays are easy reads for those of us who don’t remember what being a fully functional, sleeping adult feels like any more.

If you are pregnant and wondering just what you are in for (really), grab this book. If you are pregnant and on the terrified side of what you are in for and still hoping everything is going to be like the ante-natal teacher has told you (it might, don’t get me wrong), then um maybe wait a few months. Once you have your bubba, it will all make sense.

Like Emily, I have two boys. I’ll leave you with this: ‘My boys are very delicate and gentle and loud and boisterous and cuddly and angry and delighted and easily upset and resilient and quiet and hilarious and rambunctious.’ Children are wonderful, and so is Emily. Thank you Emily, for being the person who is brave enough to talk about the bits of parenting that other books do not.

Reviewed by Sarah Forster

Rants in the Dark
by Emily Writes
Published by Random House
ISBN 9780143770183

NB: Emily Writes is doing several events over the coming months. Check out where she will be next here on her website.